Friday, November 16, 2012

My Straightforward Counsel to Young Christian Boys and Girls (especially): Don’t Date Non-Believers

I know a girl who had grown up in a Christian family and attended church activities faithfully. She wasn’t that pretty, to be honest, but she had a tremendous singing talent and an inner love for Christ – that what make her attractive. She was everyone favourite’s girl. Everybody loved her, but she longed for a romantic relationship with a boy. Well, she told everyone on her Facebook post. Not long after that, my friends told me that they began noticing that she always absent from many of the church activities. When she did come, they said, she was not the same joyful girl as she was. Her dress and outward appearance slowly began to change too. 

One day my girl friends told me that she had been to a social club every Friday night around town area with someone. When I talked to her about it, she admitted that she been dating a non-Christian boy. ‘He is the only one who really understands me’, she said. ‘He would take me out and treat me well. I love him, Richard...’. Obviously, my advice was no match with her undying love for this boy. My friends had tried to reason with her about her love-interests with non-Christian boy, but she hardened her heart like Pharaoh'.

Few months later, came to our surprise, she announced that she was marrying the non-Christian boy and converted to other religion. She said that God would understand her action and asked us not to judge her. ‘I love him, stop lecture me!’ she ended our friendship.

About 1 year later, I heard that the girl went through some hard times and emotional pain. She was not happy. One day, the boy finally walked out of her life for good; divorced her for someone else. Since then, I lost contact with her. As far as I know, she has never come back to the Lord. I hope that the ‘rumours’ is not true.

 ‘What happened to her?’ I often asked the Lord and myself this question. I think that she wanted a boy so badly that she was willing to pay any price to have her fleshly desire fulfilled. It began slowly by turning away from God’s people to hang out with godless people. This is common scenario that is happening to many young college Christians students in Malaysia.

As a brother (I’m old enough I guess) and as a fellow Christian, I want to advise you: it is very important that the people you choose to date are Christians. You may know someone you would really like to date who is a non-Christian, but don’t! Remember this (I learned from my senior), one of the purposes for dating is to get to know someone in a way that can lead to engagement and soon marriage. Many people I knew personally had gone ahead and dated a non-Christian saying thoughtlessly, ‘Richard, we’re not going to get married! Relax la bro; I won’t be converted to (fill the blank).We’re just dating, no big deal’. In the end, in most cases, it leads to tragedy and curse. I want to warn you earlier. More importantly, God wants to spare you.

Friend, your fellowship with Jesus is disrupted when you violate God’s command and date a non-Christian. Dating a non-Christian is sin (but friendship with non-Christian is not a problem. In fact, it's trully loving). ‘How dare you say something like that Richard?!’ you may respond. I tell you; I’m afraid actually, but I dare to tell the truth. God makes that clear throughout the Bible. For example, ‘Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? …how can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?’ (2 Corinthians 6:14-15NLT; see also Deuteronomy 7:1-4).

Dating, my friend, should provide a mutual sharing on the deepest spiritual level. This is where intimacy really takes place. (I learned from my older mentor. Thank you taiko!) Rick Wilkerson wonderfully writes,
"The fulfilment in friendship – or a dating relationship – comes as two people come together in Christ to share laughter, tears, caring, and sharing based around their mutual relationship with Jesus. Only there will you find a sense of belonging and the companionship you need. Your relationship with God must come first. When it is right, the Lord can lead you into wonderful, exciting, fulfilling friendships and dating. God truly does want the very best for you".

Good summary, don't you think?
God want the very best for you.
Don't date a non-Christian.


  1. Thank God I had never dated non-believers before.. Unfortunately, not all of them were 1st hand believers.. More like 'plastic Christian'. Am not looking forward to start dating non-believers.. Sadly though, some friends are/were dating non-believers... Some made U-turns, most fell into the abyss(converted).. :(

  2. very true Richard. Thanks Lord i always managed to avoid this. Dating to non-Christians.

  3. Thanks for your responds... share this with others. I mean, not necessary this article per se, but the message itself.

    God's love is too precious to be replace with something a lot lesser.

  4. I think simply dating a Christian is not good enough. Date someone who loves God and follows Christ.


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