It’s been two years since you passed away and it was one of the hardest times that I have ever experienced in my life. At that time, I was completely lost, unable to express what had just happened to those who are close to me, and refused to allow the process of healing begin by closing myself off from everyone around me.
I know that you will never read this letter… but I which our daughter will. Now that you’re gone. Dealing with your death changed me forever, and the second I accepted that was the second I found the strength to live the life I had always dreamed of. I will never be ashamed of my (our) past. It was part of the wounds that makes my life beautiful. I will not give up! Losing you is a painful reminder that life is way too short and precious to be sad all the time. I have found someone else. She is beautiful and she loves the Lord deeply. I know that you would want nothing more than for me to be happy — not the day-to-day-getting-by-content-happy – but truly happy. With her, I have joy!
When you’re gone, I used to tell myself, “Keep yourself busy.” I did. But now I realised that keeping myself busy doing something that doesn’t make me happy only made me more miserable. It didn’t make the time go by faster — it made each day seem more and more meaningless. So, I keep myself busy taking the time to figure out what it is that I love to do and what God would want me to do. Even though you’re gone, God is here with me. He is my hope – my only hope! I’m grateful that God never leave me. And that is most important than continuously missing you. Is this not the perfect time for me to live with purpose? To motivate myself, embrace my newfound strength and take a chance to wake up every morning grateful? What makes me happy? God! Annabel, our daughter! Family! Friends! Colleagues! And her.
I appreciate our time together. Memories and conversations that we had. But I will move on. I must move on. I’m moving on. I learned that through these struggles (in the past) build my character. My experiences make me unique. I will not be ashamed of our past but from now on, I savour the present and I will only look at the future – with God and His Spirit. With our daughter and someone new.
[To read all of the precious Letters to Annie, click HERE]
THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.