Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Learn Manhood from David #3 Overcome Family Dysfunctions, Low Self-Worth and Wanted-to-Proof Syndrome

"In the same way, all seven of Jesse's sons were presented to Samuel. But Samuel said to Jesse, ‘The Lord has not chosen any of these.' Then Samuel asked, ‘Are these all the sons you have?' ‘There is still the youngest,' Jesse replied. ‘But he's out in the fields watching the sheep and goats.' ‘Send for him at once,' Samuel said. ‘We will not sit down to eat until he arrives.'"
(1 Samuel 16:10-11, NLT)

Since finished diploma at UiTM, I was very driven to be knowledgeable, smart, and insightful. I studied all the time – night and day, devour books on various subjects, learning online, and attended seminars and talks (free and paid). When I asked myself, what drives me to become who I was and am today, I was shocked by my own answers. Partly, as I was growing up, my parents never tell me that I'm smart. Because I didn't further my study like any other of my friends after diploma (due to financial difficulties), some of them look down on me. I can see that in their eyes. The elders in the church and family members have that ‘look' when I told them that I'm working as such and such. Unimpressive. A friend of my girlfriend told her that if she married me, she will get nothing, no future. Since, I determined that someday, somehow, I'd prove them all wrong! All of this inner turmoil and the desire to proof-myself haunted me early on. Now, with Jesus Christ as my Saviour, He saved [and still in the process of saving some part of] me from being weight down by people's opinion and divert my [same] motivation toward glorifying God in my life.

The fact is, others that are close to us and especially families form us into who we are. In the Bible, young David didn't have great family and friends encouragement either, and the lack of it affected his entire life. His family situation set him up for tough times ahead. In fact, his family was as dysfunctional as they come. His brothers constantly antagonized him, and his father neglected him (and most traditions said that David was Jesse's son from another wife and born out of wedlock). Talk about the potential for developing a poor self-image! As a result of the way his family treated him, David apparently struggled his whole life with a performance-based personality and a drive to prove himself worthy at all costs. His family left an indelible mark on his life as he gained power, influence, and significance. During one of our Bible Study, someone responded to how David deals with his rebellious son, Absalom: "David is a good king, but a bad father." Guess who he it learned from?

Typically, our family dysfunctions drive us either to overcompensate for what is lacking in our most fundamental relationships or to rely more fully upon God to take up the slack we've experienced in those relationships. For example, you may have received certain messages from your biological family that now are contributing to patterns of sin in your life. You may hold the aching pain of loss within you, you may want to prove to others that you have what it takes, or you may want to show that you're in control. Many men medicate themselves daily by overworking, overeating, raging, viewing pornography, drinking alcohol, or by pursuing ‘success' – whatever it takes! These are how we hide our pains or maybe as our escape tactics. Yet, our anxiety continues, and life remains somehow incomplete – in spite of their wonderful outward appearances.

So now we men must ask ourselves, How do we overcome the hand we've been dealt and take responsibility for our lives? How do we let our self-worth, fears, and anxieties move us closer to God rather than farther away? How did David do this? One of the clue we can find it during his final speech to his son, Solomon before his death: "I am going where everyone on earth must someday go. Take courage and be a man. Observe the requirements of the Lord your God, and follow all his ways. Keep the decrees, commands, regulations, and laws written in the Law of Moses so that you will be successful in all you do and wherever you go…" (1 Kings 2:2-3). Only God can change you inside-out, so be Fathered by Him. And by His Son, you will be made new – and His Word can overcome the hurtful and destructive past, and move you toward a better future. It’s not a onetime event, of course, it’s a process. Men, for His glory!

Have Courage.
Be A Man.

Observe and Keep God's Word in Your Life.
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